Author Archives: Karen Stark

Doing What is Right

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In order to do what is right, there must be standards which we can choose to follow because we believe they are right.

I read a Facebook post with this quote from Timber Hawkeye’s “Faithfully Religionless” (FB told me a friend liked this – it was not on a Page I follow):

“I’m not against religion, I just don’t believe we need it in order to be ethical, especially since morality means doing what is right regardless of what you are told, and religion is about doing what you’re told regardless of what is right.”

My first thought was “How can you possibly know you are doing what is right?” In order to do what is right – or even to know what is right, moral, or ethical – there must be standards. One important role of religion through the ages has been to provide firm, set standards of right and wrong. The source of these standards is believed to be divine and always right – the source of absolute truth.

Rather than blindly doing what a religion says to do as the non-religious claim, the religious are actually making a conscious choice to be obedient to the standards of right and wrong that they believe have come from a divine source. They are really doing what is right, regardless of what the secular world is telling them. This is morality.

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Reacting to Criticism

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Being criticized may not be such a bad thing, if we take time to reflect on our own reaction and our reasoning.

At a few times during recent months, I have found myself feeling some familiar but unpleasant feelings. This happened when comments or criticism “hit a nerve” or triggered a defensive reaction. Usually we just react, but I forced myself to stop and think about why. Why did that comment from that person cause such a strong emotional reaction? No one really likes to hear criticism, but there are different kinds of criticism. It is one thing to have a mistake pointed out. Errors can be corrected, often without major damage to the ego. But often, as I think in these cases, the criticism is not so much about what was done or said, but includes an element of shame. There is some inference (maybe intended, but also possibly just perceived) of judgement associated with it – an underlying message that we are somehow a bad person, an idiot, or a fool. The feeling is that we are being personally attacked. The feelings may be more intense when the giver of the message is someone we feel has no position of authority or superiority to judge us. “How dare they” we think and want to strike back. We may also feel a need to defend ourselves and our position.

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Commitment

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What is your word worth – whether a resolution, oath, legal contract or verbal promise?

“I solemnly swear. . .” This month of January there will be many people taking oaths – primarily an oath of office for those newly elected to leadership positions in Government. I recently joined an organization where the process of becoming a member included taking an oath to uphold the purposes and goals of the organization. In court, witnesses take an oath that their testimony will be the truth. How much do we think of these oaths and how seriously do we take them?

An oath is defined as a covenant, pledge, promise or vow to do certain things. It is a public proclamation and manifestation of what should also be an inner personal commitment. Though taken before other people and often with much ceremony, the purpose is much more than to satisfy others that our intentions are good and honorable. It is a solemn and sacred promise, usually pledged in the name of God. When we swear in His name, we recognize a need for His help to fulfill responsibilities – “so help me God” – and we recognize that He is our witness to this commitment. Implied is the realization that we will be judged by God as to how well we keep this pledge. God knows and judges the intents of our hearts as well as our sincere efforts.

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Light the World

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I started out this Christmas Season with great intentions. I even tried to start early with a little shopping, preparing Christmas cards and neighbor gifts before the end of November. I started December by attending a wonderful Christmas Social which got me in the spirit. Our family visited Temple Square in Salt Lake City and enjoyed the lights. I found the book Jacob T. Marley which I read quickly and then re-read A Christmas Carol.

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The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints presented a program for December #LIGHTtheWORLD, with daily suggestions for service following the example of Jesus Christ. This sounded like a great and organized way to focus service efforts during the season.

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Receive

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“To Truly Give, we must first Receive”

As we approach the Christmas season with thoughts about gift giving, I would like to share a couple of stories from Christmases past and the lessons I learned from them.

Christmas Story #1

Receive gift

One took place many years ago at a traditional family gathering where gifts were exchanged and opened. We have a particular family member who is one of those hard to buy for folks – you all know them. I had spent a great deal of time thinking about what to give this person, and even more time shopping and agonizing over what to choose. I finally selected what I thought was a simple but good gift. On Christmas day, I gave this nicely wrapped package to this person. He unwrapped and opened it. After taking a look, he placed it back inside the box, then handed it to another family member saying, “I opened this by mistake, this is for you.”

All this was right in front of me. My feelings would not have been hurt if this person had taken this gift back to the store and exchanged it for something else, or even if he had taken it home and then re-gifted it on another occasion. What hurt my feelings was that this gift was never acknowledged.

The real gift was not the object – the real gift was the thought, the intent, the effort put into the giving.

“For what doth is profit a man if a gift is bestowed upon him, and he receive not the gift? Behold, he rejoices not in that which is given unto him, neither rejoices in him who is the giver of the gift” (Doctrine & Covenants 88:33)

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A Grateful Heart

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This year has brought some experiences which have made me feel a need to express my gratitude for simple as well as profound blessings.

Like this sign, I am thankful for simple things. I have a home. It is not large or new or grand, but it provides shelter and safety – it is a home. After seeing a house torn apart by a tornado which had only left us in the dark for days, seeing a hole in the ground which a friend intended to live in this winter, then seeing the small modest apartment which he is grateful to call home now, I feel more grateful for the home that I have.

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Thinking for Yourself

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As an eighteen year old, I went through a period of soul searching. I had been raised in a rather sheltered environment where I was surrounded by people who thought and believed in certain ways and taught me likewise. I then found myself in a very different environment. I was now in the minority, surrounded by others who had grown up believing and living rather differently than I had. Some even challenged and questioned my beliefs because they conflicted with their views. My question to myself at that time was “Do I believe these things and have this particular view of the world just because that is how I have been taught, or are these things accurate and true?” I wanted to know for myself, rather than rely on the faith or knowledge or teachings of others.

Through a process of study, questioning, and life experiences, I came to a certainty about my basic beliefs. I also gained some perspective through recognizing and attempting to understand other points of view. I was able to have positive relationships with people who thought and believed quite differently than I did.

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More Thoughts About What Happened

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Some time ago I wrote a post which began with the question: “What just happened, how did we come to this?” Recently I read something about sexuality during the early middle ages which got me thinking more about the process in which things seemed to change so quickly. Maybe it hasn’t been such a sudden turn around. Rather, looking back I see a series of significant changes in societal thinking and attitudes which seem to have built upon each other. (This is not based on any real sociological study or backed by any experts, just my personal observations through the decades of my life.)

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Character

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Character reflects how we actually are – deep down and real. It can not be faked. It is reflected in how we behave when we are alone, or when we think no one is watching or listening.

Character

This month I have chosen to discuss “character”. There are several definitions of the word, but I want to focus on that which refers to specific traits, qualities or attributes reflected in a person’s personality and behavior – the character of an individual. This could be looked at in terms of patterns of behavior, or a collection of various moral and mental qualities. Sometime the term is used to refer to more excellent qualities of character, but character can also be negative or lacking.

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Discernment without Cynicism

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In today’s world, it is a challenge to see clearly and judge between good and evil or the true from the false, while remaining hopeful and optimistic. It is easy to become cynical, discouraged, and feel hopeless.

Cynicism

The term cynic originated with an ancient Greek philosopher named Cynic who held virtue to be good. He became cynical of the rest of society and the material interests he saw. “Cynical” by definition implies a belief that people are motivated only by selfishness. It causes one to question the sincerity of people’s motives or actions. It implies disbelief in human goodness.

There is evil in our world – and people who have been corrupted by it. So many lies being spread that it is hard to know what is true. There are some who are simply misled, and may or may not be forceful in promoting falsehoods. Others have in effect “sold their souls” and embraced lies and evil. They manipulate and use others for their selfish purposes. We do need to be able to recognize such people and see them for what they are- not simply to condemn them, but to prevent them from gaining power that could cause harm to others and to our common freedoms. Too many people are easily deceived and mislead by such people, largely because they are able to present an acceptable face to the world, and often are very convincing.

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