I have had tornado nightmares. I live in Utah, which is not generally known for tornadoes, so these nightmares might have seemed unrealistic and nothing to worry about. One involved a vivid image of a car in my driveway being lifted up in the air and turned upside down – with people I love inside it. In another there was a view of a menacing funnel approaching a soccer field. At that time I was spending a good deal of time at soccer fields, sometimes during storms.
Sometimes at the beginning of a yoga class, the instructor will invite us to set an intention for that particular session. This is supposed to direct our focus during that time toward some specific purpose or idea. Very often authors or speakers will make an initial statement which basically amounts to their intent for that particular writing or speech. The Preamble to the Constitution of the United States is in effect a statement of intent.
Many years ago I was given a two page typed document which contained a simple, but very profound statement: “Taking offense is a lying way of giving offense.” The rest of this document, which was attributed to the Arbinger Institute, explained in fairly simple terms a somewhat complex pattern of mutual, collusive blaming and taking offense. This pattern is exhibited commonly between individuals, in families, within organizations, between large groups of people, and even between nations.
We all learn this early in life. The young child who cries and says “He hurt my feelings” learns that she gets sympathy, and anything she may have done is forgotten as the attention shifts to this “meany” who must pay the consequences. The basis of this pattern is so simple, yet can be so hard to really grasp: Any time we take offense at something someone says or does, we in effect, are attacking them by the accusation. Taking offense IS an offense. Playing the victim is really an act of aggression.
I am feeling somewhat burdened by stuff. Having lived in the same house for 36 years where my husband and I raised three children who have since moved out, I fully realize that we have accumulated a lot of stuff – way too much stuff. I and my siblings have also been encouraging our 90-year-old father to get rid of some of the stuff he has acquired during his long lifetime and stored over 50 years in the same house. My father grew up during the depression and has a deeply instilled sense that things should be kept in case there is a future shortage or they may again be useful to someone. He is now willing to give away things to family members, but there are definite differences between what he thinks might be useful and what they might really want.
My children are of a generation which seems to be able to easily dispose of stuff. If they find later that they need something they got rid of, they just buy another. I personally am somewhere in between – I really want to rid myself of unnecessary stuff cluttering my home and life, but I also see value and meaning in some things, which makes it harder to let go.
Though it was kind of what I expected, it was nevertheless disturbing to actually see it. For quite some time I had anticipated the day when my youngest daughter, like myself, her older sisters, and countless other women throughout history, would be a bride and become a wife – a legally, lawfully wedded wife – with a husband. Yet, here was the official Utah State marriage license with the words “bride” and “groom” or “husband” and “wife” nowhere to be seen on the paper. Instead, my daughter was simply listed as “spouse number 1” and her husband-to-be in the “spouse number 2” space. This might as well have been a boring legal contract between “the party of the first part” and “the party of the second part” or the ceremonial joining of “thing one” and “thing two”. Continue reading
We have a very real, and powerful, and successful, common enemy who has become expert in turning us against each other.
For a brief time after 9-11, our Country was united in a way reminiscent of the World War II era, when we were faced with an obvious identifiable evil – a common enemy. Unfortunately, it did not take much time for us to become divided again until divisiveness is now greater than I have ever known.
The great irony is that though the recognition of a common enemy is usually effective in uniting groups of people to fight against that enemy, we do in fact have a very real, and powerful, and successful, common enemy who has become expert in turning us against each other. He seeks to destroy us all though getting us to destroy each other. He is winning when we fight against each other rather than unite to oppose him.
Exposing this common enemy might be easier by contrasting opposites, for he became our enemy by opposing our common God and all that is good and true which comes from him. Continue reading
Some thoughts on perceiving things as they really are and trying to stay sane in an increasingly crazy world.
I have always considered insanity as being about a disconnect between individual perception and actual reality. The extreme of this is psychotics who have hallucinations and delusions – they see things that are not really there and talk to voices coming from no one, or insist something or someone is something other than what they really are. My husband’s traumatic brain injury is sometime exhibited in frantic searching for lost items that we do not actually own. I have at times myself, especially in dealing with alcoholics or addicts, felt a little crazy because my senses and my brain were telling me one thing while the addict/alcoholic was insisting something else was real – I didn’t really smell what I smelled, slurred speech was my ears fooling me, this was not what it appeared to be. When the choice is between believing a lie that someone you love and trust is telling you or trusting in your own perceptions, sometimes it is preferable to feel crazy.
We humans rely largely upon our senses – sight, hearing, touch, smell, taste – to make determinations about whether something is real or not. Even then we can be fooled by things like the illusions of a magic act or prevalent virtual reality. Add to that the many conflicting messages we hear about current events. It used to be that we could trust that the majority of people accepted and presented reality as reality – there was a kind of common consensus of reality. But now things have become blurred and conflicted. Reality is no longer based on sensory or even scientifically verifiable observations, but more on feelings and ideology. It is no longer a constant we can count on, but is relative and variable, dependent upon prevailing popular opinion or even individual personal choices. Things which were obviously “real” years ago are no longer considered real, but have been replaced by new reality. All this leads to the questions: Are we really perceiving “things as they really are”? Or are we as a society going insane? Continue reading
In a world with so many conflicting voices and contradictory facts, how can we distinguish real truth from all that is erroneous and false?
With any statement made by a public figure, especially a politician, a “fact-checking” process immediately begins. This process may seem to be intended to keep such people honest, but the motive is more likely to create a “gotcha” moment–to catch someone in a lie, error, or untruth; to in effect label them a liar; cast doubt on their intentions; even discredit all they have said or may say. But is fact-checking really an accurate or honest way to assess someone’s honesty? Do facts really reflect the truth of the message?
Facts are simply pieces of information which are assumed to be true, usually because they have been recorded or can be verified. It is the interpretation of facts which is significant–what do they mean? That interpretation of fact varies depending on the perspective and foundational beliefs of any particular person or group. With skill, any select group of facts can be used to successfully argue almost any point. Other facts which may contradict a hypothesis or suggest other meanings are left out of such arguments. Even when intentional efforts are made to find all of the relevant facts, there may be others which may not be known or available at that point in time. Often facts are selected and deemed relevant because they fit into the framework of an accepted belief system. We intentionally, though often not consciously, seek facts that reinforce what we already believe to be true. We also discount or ignore facts which do not fit that belief system. So fact-checking is usually self-serving, seeking to reinforce and validate a position already accepted by some to be true and in the process point a finger of doubt and shame at someone with another perspective who did not present the appropriate or correct set of facts. Continue reading
I learned a profound lesson from an experience some years ago. I had been asked to give a presentation at a professional conference. Public speaking was nothing new for me having grown up in the L.D.S. Church and being involved in other organizations. I am rarely rattled by the thought of speaking in front of a group. I had prepared well for this particular presentation, but as the time approached, I found myself getting stressed. I began to notice the self-talk running through my mind – “What should I wear? I want to look professional, but not too much.” “I gesture too much with my hands.” “I hate the sound of my voice.” “I get talking too fast when I feel I am running out of time” (the one thing I do generally stress about is not having enough time – I always seem to have more material than time).
As all this was running around and around in my mind, another thought came and stopped me cold – “It’s not about you, Karen”. All of my worries centered around how I would be perceived by others – what they would think of me. I had to remind myself that it really was about my message. I knew the message I wanted to present and my presentation was well prepared and organized enough. Wasn’t the message what I wanted my audience to take away that day?
Somehow, we humans love praise. I have to admit I do like hearing “Good job” “I really enjoyed that” “That was great”. I think the problem comes when that becomes our focus – what we seek most. “The praise of men” (John 12:43) or “The honor of the world”. Continue reading
I recently watched someone die. I don’t know why I happened to be with her when she took her last breaths, but I was. It happened quietly and quickly and peacefully.
As I have pondered this event, I have recalled some discussions with my University Student daughter earlier this year as she did a research paper on Euthanasia and Physician-Assisted Suicide. As she began studying, both of us were rather open minded about the subject, especially knowing well this 93 year old family member who had been wishing to die since her beloved husband had passed away last year. I read most of the articles my daughter studied and we discussed issues involved. Through that process we came to a similar conclusion – maybe this is something best left in the hands of God. Continue reading