Category Archives: Lessons of Life

Wisdom

Posted on by Karen Stark
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wisdom

This world is so badly in need of wise men and women. My study of King Solomon for a Sunday School lesson led to much pondering about wisdom – what it is, how to acquire it, and the mystery about the lack of wisdom in our world.

wisdom of Solomon

Solomon’s wisdom – see 1 Kings 4:29-34

Solomon’s wisdom was a gift from God. God’s love is unconditional, but His gifts come with conditions. To have a gift of the spirit, one must be in a position to be sensitive and receptive to the spirit. Solomon’s gift came with several “ifs”, cautioning that he would lose it if he turned from God and from following His laws.

What is Wisdom?

Dictionary definitions of wisdom include learning & knowledge, but wisdom is in the use of knowledge – the power of judging rightly and following the soundest course of action. Wisdom begins with intellect, learning and knowledge, but builds on that with understanding and insight. It can come through experience as well as study, yet some may have vast experience yet still not get it.

Wisdom requires discernment – the ability to discern truth from error, for real wisdom is based on truth. It also involves the ability to know what things are of most importance and lasting value.

Solomon himself wrote many wise Proverbs (see Proverbs 1-9), but his wisdom was not purely intellectual. True wisdom is reflected in action.

Wisdom differs from being clever or cunning (see 3 Nephi 21:10), because those tend to be deceptive and self-serving. Wisdom is honest and true and benefits all.

Foolish and Vain

Frequently in the scriptures I see the terms “foolish and vain” paired together. (See Romans 1:21; Titus 3:9; 2 Nephi 28 ; Alma 39:11; Helaman 12:4; Helaman 16:22;  We think of foolishness as the opposite of wisdom. Why is “vain” paired with foolish? What is foolish about vanity or vain things?

We think of vanity as being proud and self-serving. A vain person is conceited with an excessively and possibly unrealistic regard for self. There is something false or deceitful about vanity.

Definitions of vain also include things of no real value or significance, things lacking substance, anything empty, worthless, fruitless. Things that have an appearance of value or desirability, but no real substance. You might think of vain as a pretty puffed up outer shell that is hollow within.

In this sense the two definitions actually merge, as someone who is vain in the sense of being proud actually may have no real depth of character under a boastful exterior. The vain are all show with little substance.

There is vanity in thinking you are wise. Thinking one knows and understands already leads to pride and a resistance to learning, especially from the source of true wisdom. (

O that cunning plan of the evil one! O the vainness, and the frailties, and the foolishness of men! When they are learned they think they are wise, and they hearken not unto the counsel of God, for they set it aside, supposing they know of themselves, wherefore, their wisdom is foolishness and it profiteth them not. And they shall perish. (2 Nephi 9:28; see also Proverbs 3:5-7)

Wise Judgement

To be vain is foolish – to put undue importance on things of little significance. Scriptures point out the opposite “plain and precious” indicating that things of most value are more plain than flashy. Wisdom can discern between things of lasting value and those of little worth and make judgments and decisions based on those most worthwhile.

Just as it is foolish to choose or pursue vain things, it is also foolish to base judgement on things of no real value. What could be more foolish than spending a lifetime acquiring stuff, having fun and seeking people’s approval? Yet, such superficial and insignificant, though outwardly appearing fashionable or popular trends are what much of the world bases judgement on.

Wise judgement is based on sound principles and unchanging truth. It requires an understanding of truth. It is based on standards that have stood through time and have been tested and proven.

The Mystery/Paradox

The Apostle Paul contrasted the wisdom of the world with the wisdom of God.

And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man’s wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power:
That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God.
Howbeit we speak wisdom among them that are perfect: yet not the wisdom of this world, nor of the princes of this world, that come to nought:
But we speak the wisdom of God in a mystery, even the hidden wisdom, which God ordained before the world unto our glory: (1 Corinthians 2:4-7; see also 1 Corinthians 1:20-31)

The wisdom of the world is really foolish and vain. Those who are wise in their own eyes are really fools. Fools mock. The world mocks faith in God as foolishness, yet the wisdom of the world is based on vain things, and is really foolish.

The path to true wisdom is the plain and precious truths of the gospel and the Spirit which enlightens understanding. The simple and pure faith in Christ, which the world considers silly or foolish, is really the path to true wisdom. This is the great paradox.

U.S. Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia, a wise judge, put it this way:

“God assumed from the beginning that the wise of the world would view Christians as fools . . . and He has not been disappointed. Devout Christians are destined to be regarded as fools in modern society. We are fools for Christ’s sake. We must pray for courage to endure the scorn of the sophisticated world. If I have brought any message today, it is this: Have the courage to have your wisdom regarded as stupidity. Be fools for Christ. And have the courage to suffer the contempt of the sophisticated world.”

Where to Find Wisdom

The greatest wisdom comes from the source of all wisdom. James advised “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God” (James 1:5)

Gordon B. Hinckley said:

We need not look far in the world to know that “the wisdom of the wise has perished and that the understanding of the prudent has come to naught.” That wisdom for which the would should seek is the wisdom which comes from God. The only understanding that will save the world is divine understanding. (Teachings of Gordon B. Hinckley, 500)

O be wise; what can I say more?

I Don’t Want to be an Adult, Either

Posted on by Karen Stark
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What does it really mean to be an adult?

I read an article by a Millennial who at age 36 still didn’t feel like an adult. The main idea I got from this was that somehow – partly because of circumstances beyond their control – the trappings of “adulthood” have eluded many Millennials. The indicators of adulthood that this person was looking at were basically “things” – career, house, family – which to them define “adulthood”. Not having found all of those at an age when earlier generations had, they don’t feel like adults. They feel that “the economic and emotional benefits promised by adulthood are overrated.”

Me as an Adult

I considered myself an adult at 22 years old. I had graduated from College and got a real job. But looking at those “things” Millennials consider requirements for adulthood, I would not have qualified. I was not married. I lived in an apartment with two roommates and was certainly not successfully established in my career yet.

Adulthood is about being independent, responsible, self-reliant and making a contribution to society.

My determination of adulthood is not based on those “things”, as if they could be checked off a list and then you had arrived. To me adulthood is about being independent, responsible, self-reliant and making a contribution to society – things that have more to do with character than age or income level. These are qualities that reflect a shifting from a “what I want” and “what can everyone do for me” focus to more of an “I can take care of myself” and “what can I do to better care for others” perspective. Maybe this is what Millennials are really missing?

Its not about you

External economic circumstances may have contributed to Millennials feeling that things are working against them, but their focus still seems to be on self – the career that hasn’t worked out the way they wanted, not having the nice home and all the things their parents worked for years for. There is an attitude that somehow by reaching a particular age all of these things should have just been given to them as “promised”. Even the lack of a spouse and children seems to be focused on their lack of something, rather than the natural adult desire to turn outward to nurture and teach and guide the next generation.

Benefits or Opportunities?

No one “promised” me or my generation “benefits” of adulthood. The 22 year old adult me had to learn to solve her own problems. Mom and Dad were not far away, but I didn’t run to them to fix everything. I worked hard to support myself financially and had to learn to prioritize and budget to be able to acquire material things. I learned to serve others and find joy in that, rather than just pursuing adventures and entertainment and activities that I found to be fun.

Sadly, I have read some obituaries lately of 36-years-olds who died way too young. Some of them told about exciting adventures, many friends and good times, as if that was all that should fill 36 years of life. I can’t help but contrast this with obits of people my age which mention children and grandchildren and enjoying time spent with them. They mention professional accomplishments, but also public service and volunteer work.

Am I there yet? Do I want to be?

As an aging baby boomer, I guess I could also conclude that I have not arrived at adulthood because I failed to get all of those “benefits” that supposedly come with adulthood. I didn’t have a long prestigious career, a huge beautiful house and all kinds of luxuries. I haven’t traveled the world and associated with important people. I am not successful as some might define it.

But even with my definition of adulthood I find myself these days having thoughts like “I don’t want to be an adult anymore”. I get weary of the responsibility of taking care of all of the messy details of maintaining a home and a life, and dealing with difficult people. I want someone else to make the hard decisions. It would be really nice not to have to worry about anything and just be entertained. I would like to be taken care of for a change.

But then, I pull up my big girl pants and get to work doing something that will help someone else. Because I am an adult.

Reflections on America the Beautiful

Posted on by Karen Stark
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I recently heard a very moving solo rendition of America the Beautiful. I will share some my reflections on America the Beautiful – the song and my Country.

Verse 1

Oh, beautiful for spacious skies, for amber waves of grain,

For purple mountain majesties above the fruited plain!

America! America! God shed his grace on thee,

And crown thy good with brotherhood from sea to shining sea.

I have a vivid memory of a night spent in the wilderness of Wyoming. Above me was a full dome of bright stars. There were no buildings or mountains or even many trees to block the view. There were no city lights to dim the brightness of the stars. I stood in awe of the vastness of the sky and the earth.

I recall driving along a highway past fields of ripening grain as far as I could see. I have see the sun shine on oceans on both sides of our vast land. I am personally privileged to live surrounded by majestic mountains, some purple in the distance, and others so close I can enjoy them any time I go outside my house.

I am amazed by the grandeur and beauty of the landscapes throughout this vast country. I appreciate the variety of land and climate which allow for bounteous harvests of food to sustain and prosper her people.

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A Spectrum of Spiritual Disorders

Posted on by Karen Stark
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Could we all be suffering from different forms of the same basic disorder – each falling somewhere along a spiritual disorders spectrum?

The Process of Change

I recently read a book about a woman’s personal story of overcoming and changing her life in a positive way. As I read, I was flashing back to another book that I read almost 30 years ago by a man sharing his story of personal change and overcoming.

Though their challenges were different, both of these people went through essentially the same process – a spiritual process of rebirth, a change of heart, a spiritual awakening, and an accompanying change of their lives. At the time I read the earlier book, I was involved with a Twelve Step program and this book was recommended as an example of that process. This man’s issues did not involve substance abuse, but his recovery process was the same as those who did. The Twelve Steps have been successful for people with a variety of addictions, including things like gambling and addictive relationships.

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To be Nice or Kind

Posted on by Karen Stark
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Kindness

Kindness is more than being nice. It is an internal quality more than a set of behaviors. Is it more important to be nice or kind?

I shared with a friend some personal definitions which have helped me to better understand the quality of kindness. I told her about a a person we both knew who had used the phrase “be nice like me.” My definition of “nice” is more about socially acceptable behavior and “kind” more of a quality involving true concern and consideration of others. Somehow this “clicked” with this friend and she has shared this distinction with others. She has told me that this has become a guide for her in personal interactions.

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Questions about Consent

Posted on by Karen Stark
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When addressing “consent”, it is important to make a distinction between consenting to an action or behavior and giving consent to a person. It seems that whichever perspective is used depends less upon the actual intent of the person choosing, and more on the political agenda of those using the argument. (An obvious, to me, example is the bakers and florists who refused consent to creative acts which they found morally objectionable, yet these situations have been manipulated into discriminatory refusals to individuals because of who they are. This may seem to not apply to what I am about to discuss, but that is my point.)

The Dance

A seemingly innocent situation of a simple 6th grade Valentines Dance resulted in local media attention and outrage. Of the many issues involved with potential for outrage, one in particular emerged and became THE ISSUE, due to it being associated with the currently in vogue outrage – #MeToo.

In an effort to promote inclusion, the students were told not to refuse to dance with anyone. Both boys and girls would have certain dances for which they would do the asking. One girl’s mother protested, saying her daughter should have the right to say no to any boy. This turned into an example of the need to empower girls to say no to boys to prevent future abusive #MeToo situations.

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5 P’s of Improvement

Posted on by Karen Stark
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Improvement

At the beginning of a new year, many of us reflect and set goals or make resolutions. We think about making changes which hopefully will be an improvement or progress toward something better. Real progress involves processes, is based on sound, true principles, stays true to purposes and truly improves.

Progress

C. S. Lewis said, “We all want progress, but if you’re on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road; in that case, the man who turns back soonest is the most progressive.” (Mere Christianity)

In our world and our lives, things are constantly changing. But change does not always mean progress. If change does not improve us or something, it is not progress at all. Progress implies forward and upward movement toward something better, higher, more noble. Thinking that anything new is positive or progressive implies that everything from the past has been somehow inferior. Anything new is better than the old. The reality is that much change in the name of progress can actually take us in the wrong direction. Too often changes proposed as progress are more of an attempt by a person or a group to change things to suit themselves, merely because they are in a position of power to do so. Pride can play a part in assuming that “my way is the better way”.

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Charity – Five Lessons about Charity

Posted on by Karen Stark
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Five lessons about Charity that I have learned through life and study: what it is, what it is not, how to obtain it, and why it is so critical.

Charity 1 Corinthians 13:4-6

Many years ago I made a serious study of charity. I gave some talks and presentations on the subject and wrote about it. I even entertained thoughts that there might be a book to be written on the subject. At that time, I thought I had some insight into charity, but as time and life continued I realized my shortcomings in living the principle. Through some experiences I have had more recently, I think I am beginning to have a better understanding of charity. Though I am sure I have much more to learn, I will share a few lessons.

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Common Feelings of Differentness

Posted on by Karen Stark
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I recently read some biographical accounts from people who struggled with various issues. They all pointed out feeling different from other kids as they were growing up. These and other experiences of my own and of people that I know caused me to wonder:

Is there anyone out there who has made it through adolescence always feeling like they were Okay, they fit it perfectly and had a wonderful time? If so, I would love to hear your story.

I have made the transition from Soccer Mom to Soccer Grandma. I enjoyed watching my girls play and now get to watch my grandchildren. As the oldest, my ten year old grandson, finished his last game of the season and was walking with his teammates off the field, it caused me to reflect a bit. This group of boys made a good deal of improvement from the beginning of the fall season to this last game of spring. When they began, some of them didn’t even know each other. Fortunately they had a good coach who encouraged them each individually, and also managed to teach them to work together as a team. They easily won their spring games. Watching them play, I got to know a little of their personalities. They are all unique with different strengths and quirks. It has been rather entertaining to watch them play. As they left that day, I wondered about where their future paths would take them.

The field they were leaving just happens to be across the street from the Junior High School which I had attended. Junior High was not a highlight of my life. In fact, sometimes I wonder how I survived it at all. I realized that in a very short time, these boys would be entering Junior High or Middle School. I wondered how they would navigate it and what experiences awaited them.

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Prosperity

Posted on by Karen Stark
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“Inasmuch as they shall keep my commandments they shall prosper in the land.”

In the Book of Mormon we repeatedly hear the admonition given to residents of this continent: “If ye keep my commandments, ye shall prosper in the land.” In that Book we also see this played out in what is commonly known as “the pride cycle”. With righteous living there is prosperity. This is first seen in growth, development, progress, and general contentment without conflict. Gradually it tends to grow into wealth, at least for some. Then the cycle turns as the focus on material wealth creates divisions with the haves seeking more and feeling superior to the have-nots. Eventually it leads to destruction, either through conflicts within or weakening and vulnerability to attacks from enemies. In the Book of Mormon this often cycled back when war and devastation humbled everyone.

It is common for us to equate prosperity with wealth. Recently I heard a comment that prosperity is more about happiness than money. Definitions of prosper include synonyms like succeed, thrive, flourish, and grow in a vigorous way. Wealth may be a by-product of prosperity, but it can be dangerous to think of it as the sole definition or the ultimate goal.

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