Thinking for Yourself

As an eighteen year old, I went through a period of soul searching. I had been raised in a rather sheltered environment where I was surrounded by people who thought and believed in certain ways and taught me likewise. I then found myself in a very different environment. I was now in the minority, surrounded by others who had grown up believing and living rather differently than I had. Some even challenged and questioned my beliefs because they conflicted with their views. My question to myself at that time was “Do I believe these things and have this particular view of the world just because that is how I have been taught, or are these things accurate and true?” I wanted to know for myself, rather than rely on the faith or knowledge or teachings of others.

Through a process of study, questioning, and life experiences, I came to a certainty about my basic beliefs. I also gained some perspective through recognizing and attempting to understand other points of view. I was able to have positive relationships with people who thought and believed quite differently than I did.

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Character

Character reflects how we actually are – deep down and real. It can not be faked. It is reflected in how we behave when we are alone, or when we think no one is watching or listening.

Character

This month I have chosen to discuss “character”. There are several definitions of the word, but I want to focus on that which refers to specific traits, qualities or attributes reflected in a person’s personality and behavior – the character of an individual. This could be looked at in terms of patterns of behavior, or a collection of various moral and mental qualities. Sometime the term is used to refer to more excellent qualities of character, but character can also be negative or lacking.

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Discernment without Cynicism

In today’s world, it is a challenge to see clearly and judge between good and evil or the true from the false, while remaining hopeful and optimistic. It is easy to become cynical, discouraged, and feel hopeless.

Cynicism

The term cynic originated with an ancient Greek philosopher named Cynic who held virtue to be good. He became cynical of the rest of society and the material interests he saw. “Cynical” by definition implies a belief that people are motivated only by selfishness. It causes one to question the sincerity of people’s motives or actions. It implies disbelief in human goodness.

There is evil in our world – and people who have been corrupted by it. So many lies being spread that it is hard to know what is true. There are some who are simply misled, and may or may not be forceful in promoting falsehoods. Others have in effect “sold their souls” and embraced lies and evil. They manipulate and use others for their selfish purposes. We do need to be able to recognize such people and see them for what they are- not simply to condemn them, but to prevent them from gaining power that could cause harm to others and to our common freedoms. Too many people are easily deceived and mislead by such people, largely because they are able to present an acceptable face to the world, and often are very convincing.

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Intent

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Sometimes at the beginning of a yoga class, the instructor will invite us to set an intention for that particular session. This is supposed to direct our focus during that time toward some specific purpose or idea. Very often authors or speakers will make an initial statement which basically amounts to their intent for that particular writing or speech. The Preamble to the Constitution of the United States is in effect a statement of intent.

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Taking Offense

Many years ago I was given a two page typed document which contained a simple, but very profound statement: “Taking offense is a lying way of giving offense.” The rest of this document, which was attributed to the Arbinger Institute, explained in fairly simple terms a somewhat complex pattern of mutual, collusive blaming and taking offense. This pattern is exhibited commonly between individuals, in families, within organizations, between large groups of people, and even between nations.

We all learn this early in life. The young child who cries and says “He hurt my feelings” learns that she gets sympathy, and anything she may have done is forgotten as the attention shifts to this “meany” who must pay the consequences. The basis of this pattern is so simple, yet can be so hard to really grasp: Any time we take offense at something someone says or does, we in effect, are attacking them by the accusation. Taking offense IS an offense. Playing the victim is really an act of aggression.

taking offense

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The Real Enemy of Us All

We have a very real, and powerful, and successful, common enemy who has become expert in turning us against each other.

For a brief time after 9-11, our Country was united in a way reminiscent of the World War II era, when we were faced with an obvious identifiable evil – a common enemy. Unfortunately, it did not take much time for us to become divided again until divisiveness is now greater than I have ever known.

The great irony is that though the recognition of a common enemy is usually effective in uniting groups of people to fight against that enemy, we do in fact have a very real, and powerful, and successful, common enemy who has become expert in turning us against each other. He seeks to destroy us all though getting us to destroy each other. He is winning when we fight against each other rather than unite to oppose him.

Exposing this common enemy might be easier by contrasting opposites, for he became our enemy by opposing our common God and all that is good and true which comes from him. Continue reading

Facts, Truth and Guile

In a world with so many conflicting voices and contradictory facts, how can we distinguish real truth from all that is erroneous and false?

FACTS

With any statement made by a public figure, especially a politician, a “fact-checking” process immediately begins. This process may seem to be intended to keep such people honest, but the motive is more likely to create a “gotcha” moment–to catch someone in a lie, error, or untruth; to in effect label them a liar; cast doubt on their intentions; even discredit all they have said or may say. But is fact-checking really an accurate or honest way to assess someone’s honesty? Do facts really reflect the truth of the message?

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Facts are simply pieces of information which are assumed to be true, usually because they have been recorded or can be verified. It is the interpretation of facts which is significant–what do they mean? That interpretation of fact varies depending on the perspective and foundational beliefs of any particular person or group. With skill, any select group of facts can be used to successfully argue almost any point. Other facts which may contradict a hypothesis or suggest other meanings are left out of such arguments. Even when intentional efforts are made to find all of the relevant facts, there may be others which may not be known or available at that point in time. Often facts are selected and deemed relevant because they fit into the framework of an accepted belief system. We intentionally, though often not consciously, seek facts that reinforce what we already believe to be true. We also discount or ignore facts which do not fit that belief system. So fact-checking is usually self-serving, seeking to reinforce and validate a position already accepted by some to be true and in the process point a finger of doubt and shame at someone with another perspective who did not present the appropriate or correct set of facts. Continue reading

It’s Not About You!

I learned a profound lesson from an experience some years ago. I had been asked to give a presentation at a professional conference. Public speaking was nothing new for me having grown up in the L.D.S. Church and being involved in other organizations. I am rarely rattled by the thought of speaking in front of a group. I had prepared well for this particular presentation, but as the time approached, I found myself getting stressed. I began to notice the self-talk running through my mind – “What should I wear? I want to look professional, but not too much.” “I gesture too much with my hands.” “I hate the sound of my voice.” “I get talking too fast when I feel I am running out of time” (the one thing I do generally stress about is not having enough time – I always seem to have more material than time).

As all this was running around and around in my mind, another thought came and stopped me cold – “It’s not about you, Karen”. All of my worries centered around how I would be perceived by others – what they would think of me. I had to remind myself that it really was about my message. I knew the message I wanted to present and my presentation was well prepared and organized enough. Wasn’t the message what I wanted my audience to take away that day?

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Somehow, we humans love praise. I have to admit I do like hearing “Good job” “I really enjoyed that” “That was great”. I think the problem comes when that becomes our focus – what we seek most. “The praise of men” (John 12:43) or “The honor of the world”. Continue reading

On Death and Birth and Dignity

 

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On Death and Dignity

I recently watched someone die. I don’t know why I happened to be with her when she took her last breaths, but I was. It happened quietly and quickly and peacefully.

As I have pondered this event, I have recalled some discussions with my University Student daughter earlier this year as she did a research paper on Euthanasia and Physician-Assisted Suicide. As she began studying, both of us were rather open minded about the subject, especially knowing well this 93 year old family member who had been wishing to die since her beloved husband had passed away last year. I read most of the articles my daughter studied and we discussed issues involved. Through that process we came to a similar conclusion – maybe this is something best left in the hands of God. Continue reading