Category Archives: Thoughts on Social Issues

My opinions and thoughts about current events and topics

Thinking for Yourself

Posted on by Karen Stark
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As an eighteen year old, I went through a period of soul searching. I had been raised in a rather sheltered environment where I was surrounded by people who thought and believed in certain ways and taught me likewise. I then found myself in a very different environment. I was now in the minority, surrounded by others who had grown up believing and living rather differently than I had. Some even challenged and questioned my beliefs because they conflicted with their views. My question to myself at that time was “Do I believe these things and have this particular view of the world just because that is how I have been taught, or are these things accurate and true?” I wanted to know for myself, rather than rely on the faith or knowledge or teachings of others.

Through a process of study, questioning, and life experiences, I came to a certainty about my basic beliefs. I also gained some perspective through recognizing and attempting to understand other points of view. I was able to have positive relationships with people who thought and believed quite differently than I did.

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More Thoughts About What Happened

Posted on by Karen Stark
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Some time ago I wrote a post which began with the question: “What just happened, how did we come to this?” Recently I read something about sexuality during the early middle ages which got me thinking more about the process in which things seemed to change so quickly. Maybe it hasn’t been such a sudden turn around. Rather, looking back I see a series of significant changes in societal thinking and attitudes which seem to have built upon each other. (This is not based on any real sociological study or backed by any experts, just my personal observations through the decades of my life.)

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Discernment without Cynicism

Posted on by Karen Stark
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In today’s world, it is a challenge to see clearly and judge between good and evil or the true from the false, while remaining hopeful and optimistic. It is easy to become cynical, discouraged, and feel hopeless.

Cynicism

The term cynic originated with an ancient Greek philosopher named Cynic who held virtue to be good. He became cynical of the rest of society and the material interests he saw. “Cynical” by definition implies a belief that people are motivated only by selfishness. It causes one to question the sincerity of people’s motives or actions. It implies disbelief in human goodness.

There is evil in our world – and people who have been corrupted by it. So many lies being spread that it is hard to know what is true. There are some who are simply misled, and may or may not be forceful in promoting falsehoods. Others have in effect “sold their souls” and embraced lies and evil. They manipulate and use others for their selfish purposes. We do need to be able to recognize such people and see them for what they are- not simply to condemn them, but to prevent them from gaining power that could cause harm to others and to our common freedoms. Too many people are easily deceived and mislead by such people, largely because they are able to present an acceptable face to the world, and often are very convincing.

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Intent

Posted on by Karen Stark
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Sometimes at the beginning of a yoga class, the instructor will invite us to set an intention for that particular session. This is supposed to direct our focus during that time toward some specific purpose or idea. Very often authors or speakers will make an initial statement which basically amounts to their intent for that particular writing or speech. The Preamble to the Constitution of the United States is in effect a statement of intent.

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Taking Offense

Posted on by Karen Stark
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Many years ago I was given a two page typed document which contained a simple, but very profound statement: “Taking offense is a lying way of giving offense.” The rest of this document, which was attributed to the Arbinger Institute, explained in fairly simple terms a somewhat complex pattern of mutual, collusive blaming and taking offense. This pattern is exhibited commonly between individuals, in families, within organizations, between large groups of people, and even between nations.

We all learn this early in life. The young child who cries and says “He hurt my feelings” learns that she gets sympathy, and anything she may have done is forgotten as the attention shifts to this “meany” who must pay the consequences. The basis of this pattern is so simple, yet can be so hard to really grasp: Any time we take offense at something someone says or does, we in effect, are attacking them by the accusation. Taking offense IS an offense. Playing the victim is really an act of aggression.

taking offense

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Spouse One and Spouse Two

Posted on by Karen Stark
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Carsen + Carly Wedding Day Photos 2016_291 (427x640)

Though it was kind of what I expected, it was nevertheless disturbing to actually see it. For quite some time I had anticipated the day when my youngest daughter, like myself, her older sisters, and countless other women throughout history, would be a bride and become a wife – a legally, lawfully wedded wife – with a husband. Yet, here was the official Utah State marriage license with the words “bride” and “groom” or “husband” and “wife” nowhere to be seen on the paper. Instead, my daughter was simply listed as “spouse number 1” and her husband-to-be in the “spouse number 2” space. This might as well have been a boring legal contract between “the party of the first part” and “the party of the second part” or the ceremonial joining of “thing one” and “thing two”. Continue reading →

The Real Enemy of Us All

Posted on by Karen Stark
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We have a very real, and powerful, and successful, common enemy who has become expert in turning us against each other.

For a brief time after 9-11, our Country was united in a way reminiscent of the World War II era, when we were faced with an obvious identifiable evil – a common enemy. Unfortunately, it did not take much time for us to become divided again until divisiveness is now greater than I have ever known.

The great irony is that though the recognition of a common enemy is usually effective in uniting groups of people to fight against that enemy, we do in fact have a very real, and powerful, and successful, common enemy who has become expert in turning us against each other. He seeks to destroy us all though getting us to destroy each other. He is winning when we fight against each other rather than unite to oppose him.

Exposing this common enemy might be easier by contrasting opposites, for he became our enemy by opposing our common God and all that is good and true which comes from him. Continue reading →

Reality or Insanity

Posted on by Karen Stark
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Some thoughts on perceiving things as they really are and trying to stay sane in an increasingly crazy world.

I have always considered insanity as being about a disconnect between individual perception and actual reality. The extreme of this is psychotics who have hallucinations and delusions – they see things that are not really there and talk to voices coming from no one, or insist something or someone is something other than what they really are. My husband’s traumatic brain injury is sometime exhibited in frantic searching for lost items that we do not actually own. I have at times myself, especially in dealing with alcoholics or addicts, felt a little crazy because my senses and my brain were telling me one thing while the addict/alcoholic was insisting something else was real – I didn’t really smell what I smelled, slurred speech was my ears fooling me, this was not what it appeared to be. When the choice is between believing a lie that someone you love and trust is telling you or trusting in your own perceptions, sometimes it is preferable to feel crazy.

We humans rely largely upon our senses – sight, hearing, touch, smell, taste – to make determinations about whether something is real or not. Even then we can be fooled by things like the illusions of a magic act or prevalent virtual reality. Add to that the many conflicting messages we hear about current events. It used to be that we could trust that the majority of people accepted and presented reality as reality – there was a kind of common consensus of reality. But now things have become blurred and conflicted. Reality is no longer based on sensory or even scientifically verifiable observations, but more on feelings and ideology. It is no longer a constant we can count on, but is relative and variable, dependent upon prevailing popular opinion or even individual personal choices. Things which were obviously “real” years ago are no longer considered real, but have been replaced by new reality. All this leads to the questions: Are we really perceiving “things as they really are”? Or are we as a society going insane? Continue reading →

Facts, Truth and Guile

Posted on by Karen Stark
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In a world with so many conflicting voices and contradictory facts, how can we distinguish real truth from all that is erroneous and false?

FACTS

With any statement made by a public figure, especially a politician, a “fact-checking” process immediately begins. This process may seem to be intended to keep such people honest, but the motive is more likely to create a “gotcha” moment–to catch someone in a lie, error, or untruth; to in effect label them a liar; cast doubt on their intentions; even discredit all they have said or may say. But is fact-checking really an accurate or honest way to assess someone’s honesty? Do facts really reflect the truth of the message?

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Facts are simply pieces of information which are assumed to be true, usually because they have been recorded or can be verified. It is the interpretation of facts which is significant–what do they mean? That interpretation of fact varies depending on the perspective and foundational beliefs of any particular person or group. With skill, any select group of facts can be used to successfully argue almost any point. Other facts which may contradict a hypothesis or suggest other meanings are left out of such arguments. Even when intentional efforts are made to find all of the relevant facts, there may be others which may not be known or available at that point in time. Often facts are selected and deemed relevant because they fit into the framework of an accepted belief system. We intentionally, though often not consciously, seek facts that reinforce what we already believe to be true. We also discount or ignore facts which do not fit that belief system. So fact-checking is usually self-serving, seeking to reinforce and validate a position already accepted by some to be true and in the process point a finger of doubt and shame at someone with another perspective who did not present the appropriate or correct set of facts. Continue reading →

It’s Not About You!

Posted on by Karen Stark
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I learned a profound lesson from an experience some years ago. I had been asked to give a presentation at a professional conference. Public speaking was nothing new for me having grown up in the L.D.S. Church and being involved in other organizations. I am rarely rattled by the thought of speaking in front of a group. I had prepared well for this particular presentation, but as the time approached, I found myself getting stressed. I began to notice the self-talk running through my mind – “What should I wear? I want to look professional, but not too much.” “I gesture too much with my hands.” “I hate the sound of my voice.” “I get talking too fast when I feel I am running out of time” (the one thing I do generally stress about is not having enough time – I always seem to have more material than time).

As all this was running around and around in my mind, another thought came and stopped me cold – “It’s not about you, Karen”. All of my worries centered around how I would be perceived by others – what they would think of me. I had to remind myself that it really was about my message. I knew the message I wanted to present and my presentation was well prepared and organized enough. Wasn’t the message what I wanted my audience to take away that day?

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Somehow, we humans love praise. I have to admit I do like hearing “Good job” “I really enjoyed that” “That was great”. I think the problem comes when that becomes our focus – what we seek most. “The praise of men” (John 12:43) or “The honor of the world”. Continue reading →